there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
