Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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