U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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