just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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