i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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