hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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