And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
