You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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