It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
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You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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