ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
