Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
