woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
