Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
