Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
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I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
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The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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