porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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