Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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