what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
