How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
