So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
