I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
