so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You've changed since you got that strap on
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
