if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
