If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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