i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
