I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
