I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
