belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
