if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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