My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
