I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
