everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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