Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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