and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
