so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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