Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
