i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
