the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
