Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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