Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
