I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
