put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
