I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
