Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
