eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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