I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize