There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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