fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
