Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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