I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
