Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
