My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
