i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize