he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
