I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
