one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
