The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
