if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
