Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
