I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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