Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
