So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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