Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
