Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
